Quick Trips and Hominy

You know it and I know it. Quick trips are a myth.

There’s no such thing as a jolly jaunt to the store anymore. Anything involving people under 4 ft in our house is going to take time. But, I try constantly to convince myself otherwise.

Today in fact, I bundled the kids up and scampered off to the store. I figured we’d breeze in and out like it was nothing. Big mistake.

Somehow we ended up at the market mid-afternoon on stock day. Great, I’m bobbing and weaving through boxes stacked floor-to-ceiling and bumping carts with stock boys and a hundred other customers who thought it would be the perfect time to get their groceries.

I have a list to keep us on task, but I also have two kids needing my attention. One is pulling jellybeans and Acai powder off the shelves and the other is complaining he’s hungry. Trying to reduce his intake of fiber and soy ink, I gently remove part of a magazine from his mouth when he begins crying, very loudly. So, I start hand feeding him cereal since I can’t find our snack cups, any of them. All this is going on while I’m balancing the world’s hottest cup of Chai, even with the insulator sleeve, my shopping list and a cart that only makes right turns. Why do I do this?

Over an hour into the expedition, we’re looking for beans. Turkey chili is on our menu this week and I need several kinds. So, we squeeze into an aisle with three other carts and a grocery guy bringing pallets full of stuff to be stocked.

We need more ingredients, but can’t move because the aisle is blocked both ways. I ask for help and get escorted to another aisle with the cart and the kids. We’re bobbing and weaving to keep up with the guy until he shows us what we need. Well, almost.

I stand there staring at it, wondering if there are any other options. Customers move around us and we’re getting pinned in tighter and tighter the longer I evaluate this purchase. We’re toast. The kids are done and we’ve got to get out of here or else. Fine, I say and wedge the 2-pound can of hominy in the cart.

We check out and need another escort, this time to the car. While the cashier waits, I’m putting on my coat and helping my daughter with hers. She asks for help with the umbrella, but starts pushing the auto button anyway and pops it open and closed in the store. We’re still not moving, but almost. I close it up and let her do it again once we’re outside. The cashier was helpful, but I’m still left with two carts, and a kid running around with an umbrella.

I thought we were in the clear, but now we’re in the parking lot and I’m nervous my kid’s going to jump out in front of someone. So as I’m getting the baby seat locked in and my daughter secured someone beeps at me. I’m trying to find my kid's seat buckles, which have disappeared into a black hole somewhere, when someone beeps again. What!? Do you see us surrounded by shopping carts with our van doors hanging open? I’m a little busy and you’re going to have to wait. I think. Trying to be nice, I snug up as close as possible hoping they don’t run me over trying to get the space next to me.

The lady parks, gets out, and says…absolutely nothing. Not. A. Thing. I start to mumble something and hope my kids can’t hear, because it’s not for kid ears.

I buckle my daughter in and tell her No, you can’t play with the really big, really heavy Ice Dozer (scraper for rough winters) on the way home you might hurt your brother. Then I huff and move onto the groceries.

I get everything loaded, get buckled in and start the car. Then I look at the time. We’ve been shopping for over two hours. Our weekly list is a third of what it normally is, I couldn’t find everything, and we still took for-ev-er to get through the store. 


Let this be a warning, parents. The quick trip is a myth, unless you go alone. Oh, and if you do take the kids, remember to avoid going anywhere on stock day!